The Evolution Revolution


first note: I had 83 views on April 3, more than probably all of the views in 2009 combined. it was pretty crazy and I have no idea how this happened. I should start posting more again. 

second note: here is a sweet story that I wrote a few days ago, called Borax. 


By B.A. Baker

My goal for this short story was to write a generic fantasy story epic, spanning many years, with all of the normal tropes that one would see in a story as this, but in an extremely small space. Bonus: annoying syntax. I am always working on making the least-bearable writing styles possible. Imagine the titular protagonist as Nic Cage and this story becomes at least 300 times better.


     It was not for six thousand years that the Highlands had seen a conflict such as this; one that could sweep the nations of Ruthinir off the face of the map of the Farlands of Niore. Of all of the events that could occur to such an amicable territory of land, none so viciously devastated the populace of the Highlands. Orcs of the Lowlands had begun invading, hungering for land more than a mere human could ever understand. Wiped out were most of the denizens of towns across the area, and destroyed were the villages that they so previously peacefully resided in. The father of one young man was among those slaughtered by the Orcs; this was a young man named Borax, who knew that the reign of terror of these nonhuman monsters was about to conclude itself, as he was going to himself charge his foes and vanquish them as any valiant warrior should.

     Going solo on this mission was not the best idea that he could have made, as the Orcs vastly outnumbered him. Even with his far superior intellect and prowess compared to the savage Orcs of the Orc Homeland of the Murky Brine, a match made were the enemies of his, and he nearly perished, were it not for the saving grace of the Warrior Princess Shelian, a fine lady with a fine, deadly swordsmanship ability. Not one that outmatched Borax, of course. Their travels took them not only to the capital city of the Farlands of Niore, but to the Swamps of Masthanotchith. No more perilous was the terrain than the Orcs pursuing them as they made their way to the fabled Ruler of All, divine count of all of the Farlands of Niore. Their meeting with him led to a number of quite humorous exchanges, and the realization that Borax felt strong pangs of infatuation for his companion, the Warrior Princess Shelian. His uncertainty as to her returning of these aforementioned emotions led him to inform none of the situation, bar one certain councilor back at the capital city of the Farlands of Niore, one that seemed to be in a delightful disposition upon hearing the news. This was because, as the Warrior Princess of the Farlands of Niore, falling for any other than her pre-arranged mate would contaminate the royal bloodline, and her advocacy of the throne would be passed over to the next Princess, who was married to said councilor’s daughter. This would give him immense power over the kingdom of the Farlands of Niore, even moreso than he already had as the secretive ruler of the Orc Kingdoms of the Orc Homeland of the Murky Brine. Gaining control of both sides of the war would allow him to prolong the conflict indefinitely, which would benefit him somehow.

     But Borax knew not of this complicated political scheme, and it was never known to him during his entire venture across the Midland Desert, where he came across a pilgrimage; seventeen dwarves were making their way across the Midland Deserts to escape the brutal violence and harsh class warfare that their race had been going through in the years since the Orc War of the Highlands began, and Borax had a fierce battle with them, knowing that they dwarves were natural warriors as they had naught else to do with their own lives but fight, it seemed, and bested them with ease. His and Shelian’s gathering of men to help combat the Orcs, which was what the Ruler of All tasked them with accomplishing, was not going with much success these past few weeks, as most fighters had already been defeated in the Orc War of the Highlands. It was going to be a tough slog, as they were only able to recruit by the end of their journey six warriors, all humans, to go with them on the ultimate quest of traversing into the Orc Homeland of the Murky Brine, which they did by swallowing their guts and charging right into the primary forces of the Orc Royal Armies of the King’s Finest. There was no other way than to do so, as the Orc Security forces of the Orc Homeland of the Murky Brine were among the top of any security forces of any security forces in the Farlands of Niore, a region that the Orcs had almost completely conquered despite the group’s best efforts.

     Though the worst was feared, Borax, Warrior Princess Shelian, and the group were still very much alive, as they easily took over an abandoned fort inside the Orc Homeland of the Murky Brine and, setting up base there, raided Orc Villages for months, weaking the Orc Homeland of the Murky Brine from within, until finally, they successfully captured the Orc High General of the Orc Royal Armies of the King’s Finest of the Orc Homeland of the Murky Brine of the Farlands of Niore, and used the knowledge learned through him after several weeks of torture to take down the capital city of the Orc Homeland of the Murky Brine, known as the Timespan City of the Universe in the Orc tongue. This was a great relief to all back in the capital city of the Farlands of Niore, who feared the worst, as was before mentioned by myself. Only one councilor was unsatisfied with the outcome, because not only did he lose control of the Orc Armies and thus the entire Orc War of the Highlands, but he learned that Warrior Princess Shelian had ended up not a lover of Borax, as Borax instead gave his life into the hands of a human woman, realizing that he could never truly love Shelian as the nonhuman that she was. Pre-arranged marriage was nearly certain, and the councilor, knowing that his plot could easily and would inevitably be discovered, took his own life during the wedding. Former Elf Princess of the Lowlands of the Farlands of Niore Ghouna, now Queen after the unfortunate stroke death of King Pellais of the capital city of the Farlands of Niore, declared his death a travesty, not knowing of his crimes, as none ever learned. Borax, long since given up the life of a hero in the years since the Orc War of the Highlands’s ending battles, became but a farmer and had but a son after his human wife left him, disgusted by his horrid prejudices. He named his son after himself, and little did he know, but another Orc War of the Highlands would soon begin, wiping him out, and leaving his son to become a hero with the Warrior Princess Shelian…

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