The Evolution Revolution

Wert Em /bark/s

A story by Wert_Ac, creator of karkatyells and kidnapper of Andrew Hussie, from the MSPA IRC at

18:38 Wert_Ac clears his throat, and prepares to start speaking in present tense regardless of this story taking place in the past.
18:39 *** eqdw joined #MSPA
18:39 Wert_Ac I slowly open my crusty eyes on a Sunday morning, laying catatonic in my futon.
18:39 BISlover4412 eqdw wert is telling a story
18:39 Claus HI eqdw
18:39 eqdw ?
18:39 Wert_Ac The time displaying on the clock in front of me says “3:02 PM” .
18:39 BISlover4412 Listen carefully, and take some notes
18:39 Wert_Ac It occurs to me that I slept past what would be school hours if it were a week day and flop out of bed.
18:40 Poh back
18:40 Wert_Ac I wipe what I hope is an excessive amount of drool off my face, and smear it into my already stained carpet.
18:40 techloveArtist
18:40 techloveArtist
18:40 Wert_Ac The clock now read 3:05 PM.
18:40 techloveArtist ok, now you can go back to your sto- ok
18:41 Poh vriskas lacking of spiders to other pokemon ratio scares me
18:41 Wert_Ac I open some drawers and pull out some cloths. Jeans. A t-shirt that says “Normal people scare me”, and some underpants.
18:41 Wert_Ac I slip into my sunday attire and prepare to start my day.
18:41 Pbhead erudab gas 5 magicarps?
18:42 Pbhead lol
18:42 techloveArtist Poh: 1) could be according to personality 2) could be not enough spider pokemon
18:42 techloveArtist Pbhead: yup
18:42 Wert_Ac I search though my house, looking for any sign of inhabitants.
18:42 Pbhead meh
18:42 Wert_Ac It appears everyone left me behind to take care of some chore. Perhaps grocery shopping.
18:42 Wert_Ac I decide, in stead of having breakfast, I’ll go for a walk.
18:43 Pbhead Vriska would not care a shit about spiders, she would be picking things totally based on stats and munchkining.
18:43 Pbhead spiders would just be a bonus.
18:43 Wert_Ac I exist my home, locking the door behind me, and take a right up the street.
18:43 BISlover4412 wow
18:43 Wert_Ac mortMan’s house appears to be empty. I pass it and reach the dead end of the street.
18:43 BISlover4412 On the test I took today, “exist” was typoed into “exit”
18:43 Claus How do you exist an home?
18:43 BISlover4412 And now it’s the other way around
18:44 techloveArtist ^
18:44 Wert_Ac As
I usually do, I walk through the foliage at the end of the street and
cross into another. I continue forward across this slightly more active
road, and climb over a fence on the other side.
18:44 *** Syrra quit (Quit: Leaving)
18:45 Wert_Ac The fence clearly has a sign saying “no trespassing”. I do not care because I’m a rebel.
18:46 Wert_Ac The townhouses on the other side of the fence tower over me in their unmatched levels of boredom.
18:46 Wert_Ac the walk is beginning to look like a bad idea.
18:46 BISlover4412 Oh shit
18:46 BISlover4412 We got some conflict up in here
18:46 Poh damn right we do
18:46 Poh wait in werts story?
18:46 BISlover4412 ya
18:46 Poh oh
18:46 *** Katai joined #MSPA
18:47 BISlover4412 Katai wert is telling a story
18:47 Poh best story
18:47 BISlover4412 Sit, listen, take notes, etc.
18:47 Poh and have fun
18:47 Wert_Ac Several
hours go by as I wander through desert of boring, brown-painted homes.
Street after street after street, all of which given impossible to
remember names, I dig myself further and further into this maze of a
housing complex.
18:48 Wert_Ac My watch now reads 4:31 PM.
18:48 Wert_Ac i check my cell to see of mother called. The battery is dead. I have no way of calling for help, or knowing if I’m missed.
18:48 BISlover4412 Nuuuuu ;_;
18:49 Wert_Ac The marathon of all walks is taking its tole on my knee caps.
18:49 Wert_Ac I can feel cartilage crack with every couple steps.
18:49 Wert_Ac The muscles in my legs are beginning to ache.
18:50 Wert_Ac And being in the middle of a townhouse area at 4 pm on a sunday means I am completely
18:50 Wert_Ac and utterly
18:50 Wert_Ac alone.
18:50 Wert_Ac I continue on what appears to be some form of main road for what feels like an hour.
18:50 Wert_Ac My watch stopped working at 4:33 PM, giving me with no bearing of time other than the position of the sun.
18:51 Wert_Ac I reach the end of the road, and wind up in a parking lot.
18:51 Wert_Ac Bordering the car-less lot, is a playground of sorts.
18:51 Wert_Ac Two swing sets and a slide sit in filthy, litter-ridden sand.
18:52 Wert_Ac I walk over to one of the swings, and plant my bottom hard down into it to take a rest.
18:52 Wert_Ac being always suspicious, I adjust my gaze to various points in my line of vision.
18:52 BISlover4412 (This is incredibly symbolic of the US economy and its state of debt to production and export ratio)
18:53 Wert_Ac Over
to the right, I see an opening to some sort of path. It leads into a
woodland area, which apparently serves as a buffer between the
townhouses and the rest of the world.
18:53 Wert_Ac I eagerly make my way into the woods, hoping they will take me home.
18:53 Wert_Ac the area is silent.
18:54 Wert_Ac The only audible company is the sound of leaves rustling in the wind.
18:54 Wert_Ac the path winds deeper into the woods, crosses a creek via fallen tree, and ascends a steep hill.
18:54 Wert_Ac At this point, the path splits.
18:55 Wert_Ac I can either go down the other side, or continue along the hill’s ridge.
18:55 Wert_Ac I choose the latter option, and walk onward, gradually increasing in height.
18:55 Wert_Ac At the peak of this mountainous terrain, I encounter an odd clearing.
18:56 Wert_Ac trees surround a circular meadow, filled with vibrant, green grass.
18:56 Wert_Ac In the center, stands a small, dark, leafless tree.
18:56 Wert_Ac At this point, I am delirious from hunger, thirst, and exhaustion.
18:56 BISlover4412 is shivering with anticipation
18:57 Wert_Ac I instinctively wave my hand at the tree with a careful gesture, as one would to a man found lost in a desert.
18:57 Wert_Ac The tree bends to the wind, almost as if it is responding to my motion.
18:58 Wert_Ac I cautiously approach it, curious to what spiritual mysteries lie within its seemingly dead bark.
18:58 Wert_Ac “..h-..hello?” I say, feeling a little foolish.
18:59 Wert_Ac The wind quickly changes direction, allowing a warm, gentle breeze to brush my cheek.
18:59 *** Everanix joined #MSPA
18:59 *** Everanix quit (Quit: ajax IRC Client)
18:59 *** Everanix joined #MSPA
18:59 BISlover4412 hey everanix
18:59 Claus Hi bye hi
18:59 Wert_Ac i walk closer to the tree. It is now within arms reach.
18:59 BISlover4412 wert is telling a story
18:59 Everanix Hello all
18:59 Claus Hello you
18:59 Everanix OOH -sits to listen-
19:00 Wert_Ac It feels as if it is radiating a warm, comforting energy.
19:00 Wert_Ac I close my eyes and gently place my hand upon its trunk.
19:00 Wert_Ac I feel a strong gust of wind abruptly blow my hair back.
19:01 Wert_Ac I
feel the urge to keep my eyes closed through it, and manage to maintain
my calm, relaxed pose through the entirety of the gust.
19:01 Wert_Ac Upon it settling to a breeze, I open my eyes and step back.
19:01 Wert_Ac The tree has been revived. It is green, bountiful, and vibrant.
19:01 Wert_Ac a single leaf falls from the tree, pointing diagonally down the hill.
19:02 Wert_Ac I nod at the tree, understanding its clear message.
19:02 Wert_Ac “Thank you,” I say to it, smiling. I turn my back and walk in the direction of the leaf’s point.
19:02 Wert_Ac Within minutes, I find myself at my doorstep.
19:02 Wert_Ac Home.
19:02 Wert_Ac Safe.
19:02 Wert_Ac Alive.
19:02 Wert_Ac *fin*

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