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The Evolution Revolution

Godwert: A Story Of Life


This is a pretty old story about Wert_Ac, creator of Karkatyells on the MSPA IRC at http://tinyurl.com/mspaIRC :

00:06 Wert_Ac Everything only exists because I am having a very detailed post-death lucid dream.
00:06 LoLi Dude… are you PI?
00:07 Wert_Ac I’m Wert.
00:07 bewilderedShenanig >Wert: fondly regard creation
00:08 Wert_Ac “Okay you do that. This creation didn’t come out as good as you’d hoped but w’ever you’ll roll with it. Gotta live a life as some kid who’s obsessed with Pikmin and Homestuck for some reason until you die, and get to create a new one.”
00:09 LoLi >Wert: Examine surroundings.
00:09 bewilderedShenanig >Wert: Don pirate costume
00:10 Wert_Ac “You’re sitting in your room, on a futon. You’re laptop is sitting on this shitty wooden chair you got from the kitchen. Your awesome spinny chair broke yesterday and you got pissed. 9272415 children died that moment due to your anger.”
00:11 Wert_Ac “You put on the pirate costume then take it off because you’re sick of dressing up like a pirate. You already did that like 33 times.”
00:11 LoLi >Wert: Wrap yourself in blankets, and roll around like a caterpillar.
00:12 bewilderedShenanig >Wert: break shitty wooden chair
00:12 LoLi (I’m LoL’ing far too hard right now.)
00:13 Wert_Ac “You wrap yourself up in blankets. This…this is the most fun you’ve had in a very long time. Maybe you’ll come out as a butterfly!…Nope just a regular human. Damn. You could break this chair in your fit of rage! But you won’t because it is the only thing holding your laptop up. Gotta have your priorities.”
00:13 Zodroc what is even happening?
00:13 Wert_Ac [I’m god, and this is my adventure.]
00:14 LoLi (It’s the closest thing we got to RPing real life.)
00:14 bewilderedShenanig >Wert: retrieve arms from floor
00:16 Wert_Ac “You grab your WERT HAMMER that you left on the floor for some reason. This is the most powerful weapon in the universe. It looks exactly like THOR’S HAMMER but it says “Wert” on it. One swing of this, and you can destroy anything you want. Well, you could destroy anything WITHOUT it too, but its cool to have a weapon representative of yourself. Its poetic.”
00:16 *** incendiaryApparatus joined #MSPA
00:17 bewilderedShenanig (sup iA, we’re RPing. wert is god.)
00:17 Zodroc (fun fact: thor’s hammer’s name is Mjolnir
00:17 incendiaryApparatus (oh really)
00:17 incendiaryApparatus (’bout what)
00:17 LoLi >Wert: Check iGod on laptop. It seems someone is praying to you.
00:17 Wert_Ac (I know almost nothing about thor hahaha)
00:18 bewilderedShenanig (best suggestion, loli >.WERT: Be the random asshole.
00:19 LoLi (Hahahaha! xD)
00:20 Wert_Ac “It looks like…You’re being prayed it by…YOU??? Wow”
00:20 Wert_Ac PWA: Hey, dipshit, its you. from the future.
00:20 Wert_Ac CWA: Fuck, I hate time travel. What do you want?
00:20 Wert_Ac (shit that should be a F not a P)
00:21 bewilderedShenanig >Wert: Smite this heathen
00:21 LoLi (This is beautiful, is someone logging this?)
00:21 Wert_Ac FWA: I want to warn you, that in the future, you stop being god for some stupid-ass reason, and can only talk through time travel shit. So fuck. fucking. YOU!
00:22 Wert_Ac CWA: No dude, fuck YOU!
00:22 Wert_Ac “You erase future you from existance. That will probably come to bite you in the ass later, but whatever. Thats in the future. We
00:22 Wert_Ac are in the present.”
00:22 incendiaryApparatus >Wert: continue answering assholes.
00:23 Wert_Ac “Okay it looks like you’re getting a prayer from someone in a different universe. That could be interesting.”
00:23 Wert_Ac TC: So UmM mOtHeRfUcK
00:23 Wert_Ac WA: …Gamzee???
00:24 incendiaryApparatus (this convo ends with gamzee asking wert to make out)
00:24 incendiaryApparatus (i know it)
00:24 Wert_Ac TC: yEaH mY mOtHeRfUcKeR, I’M aLl Up In ThIs PrAyN sHiT
00:25 LoLi (Perhaps someone should volunteer to be whoever on the other end? Instead of making wert talk to himself? After this convo maybe.)
00:25 Wert_Ac TC: So I wAs JuSt AlL uP aNd WoNdErInG iF i CoUlD hAvE sOmEbOdY tO gEt My MoThErFuCkIn MaTeSpRiT oN wItH
00:25 Wert_Ac WA: Yeah sure, why the fuck not. Not my universe, guess I could fuck yours up a little.
00:26 bewilderedShenanig (yea i’ll give that a shot)
00:26 Wert_Ac “You then proceed to match Gamzee with Terezi. Best shipping ever done.”
00:26 bewilderedShenanig >Wert: Smite more heathens
00:27 *** Pbhead is now known as Pbhead_asleep
00:27 incendiaryApparatus >Wert: Fistbump lil cal in the corner of your office for a job well done.
00:28 Wert_Ac “Looks like Cal just did some smiting for you. Awesome. You fist bump the stupid puppet for WAIT….You don’t have a Cal puppet! Nah, its cool he can stay here all he likes.”
00:29 bewilderedShenanig >Wert: Perform miracles for your followers.
00:29 LoLi >Wert: Use your INCREDIBLE MAGIC POWERS to make people randomly feel the need to logout of irc chats.
00:29 bewilderedShenanig (not mIrAcLeS)
00:29 Zodroc (wert have you read the updates?)
00:30 Wert_Ac “You’re already constantly providing miracles and constantly making people logout of irc chats. It is sort of something you forgot how to control. It just sort of happens. Being god is a pretty thankless job. Your magic usually goes unnoticed…”
00:30 Wert_Ac (yes I’ve been reading the updates)
00:31 incendiaryApparatus >Wert: Answer another guy.
00:31 bewilderedShenanig >BS: be the other guy
00:31 LoLi (LoL! I just realized i called it ‘irc chat’. Redundant much? Anyways, I’m going to bed. G’night guys!)
00:31 Zodroc (night loli)
00:31 bewilderedShenanig night
00:31 Wert_Ac (g’night)
00:31 Wert_Ac “You answer another guy. Who could it be?”
00:31 Wert_Ac Hello?
00:31 incendiaryApparatus PP: dear god, my neighbor started laying lawn gnomes in my lawn.
00:32 incendiaryApparatus PP: can you kill my neighbor?
00:32 LoLi (… I wanna see this logged tomorrow.)
00:32 *** LoLi quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
00:32 Wert_Ac Kill? that sounds a LITTLE extreme.
00:32 bewilderedShenanig BS: hey a-hole this is my prayer
00:32 Wert_Ac Woah
00:32 incendiaryApparatus PP: they’re really ugly gnomes.
00:32 incendiaryApparatus PP: oh hey
00:32 Wert_Ac Yeah how…How are you both in the same prayer???
00:33 bewilderedShenanig BS: this is MY prayer, wert. tell him to go away
00:33 incendiaryApparatus PP: no dude seriously my neighbor is pretty much a complete asshole.
00:33 Wert_Ac iGod doesn’t really tell me who’s prayer it is. It just sort of starts blinking message windows at me.
00:33 bewilderedShenanig BS: Wert, forgot to capitalize. my apologies oh, great one
00:34 Wert_Ac Okay fine, I’ll kill your neighbor
00:34 Wert_Ac “kills neighbor”
00:34 incendiaryApparatus PP: ok i’ll wait here
00:34 bewilderedShenanig BS: woah hey guy, you just used my prayer to kill a guy. not cool
00:35 incendiaryApparatus PP: sorry
00:35 Wert_Ac No you can have your prayer answered too
00:35 Wert_Ac Just tell me what you want so I can fix this shit.
00:35 incendiaryApparatus [PP] stopped praying to God at 00:35.
00:35 bewilderedShenanig BS: well the president said “god bless the united states of america” at the end of a speech or something
00:36 bewilderedShenanig BS: i guess he does that alot or something, anyway…
00:38 bewilderedShenanig BS: is he just full of shit? or do you like, listen when he says that? does this anger you? will you smite him for his hubris? also what are the winning loto numbers?
00:38 bewilderedShenanig (did that last one go thru?) i DCed
00:39 Wert_Ac Woah thats a lot of questions.
00:39 bewilderedShenanig (can you guys hear me?)
00:39 bewilderedShenanig (read me*)
00:40 incendiaryApparatus (no)
00:40 incendiaryApparatus (not at all)
00:41 bewilderedShenanig BS: also, is it cool that i’m an atheist? my friend said that Wert won’t answer you’re prayers if you’re an atheist but i’m all like “fuck you i’ll do what i want”
00:41 Wert_Ac So yeah it is kind of a bullshit prayer. I mean to “bless” something doesn’t really mean anything. I mean if he said “God, fix america’s economy!” I’d probably be do’n that. But whatever I already fucked up the US enough. Maybe I’ll smite all of ’em later. The winning lot numbers are 3333333333.
00:42 Wert_Ac And yeah I don’t really give a shit if people think I’m real or not.
00:42 incendiaryApparatus (brb)
00:42 *** incendiaryApparatus quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
00:42 Wert_Ac I mean, I made everything with my head, so in actuality I’m not real, and neither is anybody else.
00:42 bewilderedShenanig BS: woah that’s deep
00:42 bewilderedShenanig BS: so deep
00:43 Wert_Ac I know
00:43 Wert_Ac “You smite bS accidentally”
00:44 Zodroc (oops, you just killed your only other player)
00:44 bewilderedShenanig *bewilderedShenanigan explodes into oblivion*
00:45 bewilderedShenanig Ghost of bS begins praying to you at 1:43
00:45 bewilderedShenanig GoBS: hey could you undo that real quick?
00:45 Wert_Ac “Shit you can’t believe you did that! You should probably just UNMAGICIFY yourself! Thats what you’ll do! You’ll arbitrarily reduce your magical percentage to zero! Fuck everything!”
00:45 Wert_Ac “You reduce your magic to 0 then go back to the iGod chat window.”
00:46 Wert_Ac Shit, no I guess I can’t.
00:46 Wert_Ac I kind of revoked my god powers.
00:46 Wert_Ac …That was a pretty stupid move now that I think about it!
00:46 bewilderedShenanig GoBS: well that’s cool i guess, know any cool ghost things to do?
00:46 Wert_Ac Yeah you can fly around and haunt people and shit.
00:47 Wert_Ac Go to some celebrity’s dressing room and watch them be naked.
00:47 Wert_Ac Being a ghost is actually pretty fucking badass you can do whatever you want, besides talk to the living that is.
00:47 bewilderedShenanig GoBS: but WHICH CELEBRITY?!
00:48 Wert_Ac Umm
00:48 Wert_Ac Nicolas Cage
00:48 bewilderedShenanig GoBS: SO HOT
00:48 bewilderedShenanig GoBS ceased praying to go watch nicolas cage be naked at 1:47
00:49 Wert_Ac “Awesome thats done. You probably should talk to your past self now, and warn him about the stupid thing you’re about to do.”
00:49 bewilderedShenanig >Wert: be distracted by something awesome.
00:49 Wert_Ac CWA: Hey, dipshit, its you. from the future.
00:50 Wert_Ac PWA: Fuck, I hate time travel. What do you want?
00:50 Wert_Ac CWA: I want to warn you, that in the future, you stop being god for some stupid-ass reason, and can only talk through time travel shit. So fuck. fucking. YOU!
00:51 Wert_Ac PWA: No dude, fuck YOU!
00:52 Wert_Ac “You get distracted by the amazing Pikmin statue you have erected in your room. You gaze into its eyes as it gazes back into yours. It is a being of extreme beauty and perfection. How you wish to have created yourself as one of these creatures in stead of a shitty human.””
00:52 Wert_Ac “You have been smitten by past you. You die looking at your epic pikmin statue.”
00:52 Wert_Ac (Okay thats all, I’m going to bed now.”
00:53 bewilderedShenanig wert… down?
00:55 bewilderedShenanig no wait that’s stupid. gnight
00:55 — smolio-is-dropping-laserbombs is away (Auto away)
00:55 Wert_Ac g’night
00:56 *** Wert_Ac quit (Quit: http://www.mibbit.com ajax IRC Client)
00:56 bewilderedShenanig is anyone left?
00:57 bewilderedShenanig i’m all alone D’:

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