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The Evolution Revolution

Waiting For the Mow


First Short Story Writing Adventure story!

Waiting For the Mow

By Thedude3445

No I have not actually read Waiting For Godot, as you can tell.

Setting: A bench on a sidewalk in front of a man’s house, with comically tall grass on the lawn behind him.

Ethan is sitting on the bench, staring off into the distance. His neighbor, Ralph, walks up to him.

Ralph: Hey, Ethan, I haven’t seen you in a while!

Ethan: I know. I’ve been inside for the last couple of weeks with a really bad case of the flu. It was terrible.

Ralph: The flu? What’s that?

Ethan: Oh no, it seems that I have been sent off to an alternate universe while I was sick at home! A universe where the flu never existed and where Martians will be able to invade the Earth and not be killed off by germs!

Ralph: I was just kidding.

Ethan: Oh.

(Beat)

Ralph:  So what brings you to the outside world today, Ethan?

Ethan: Well, I called a lawn service to trim my lawn every Tuesday while I was sick, but they never showed up!

Ralph: So basically you just got ripped off?

Ethan: That’s the odd part. I never even paid them. They weren’t going to accept payment until after the job was done.

Ralph: So what does it really matter that they didn’t come?

Ethan: Umm…

Ethan turns his head and looks at the lawn. Ralph turns in response and freaks at seeing the several feet-tall grass.

Ralph: How long were you sick, again?

Ethan:  A while.

(beat)

Ethan: I really need the lawn guys to come, because I have no way to cut grass this tall!

Ralph: You could just like burn it or something.

Ethan: And then the rest of the neighborhood.

Ralph: Good point. But maybe a lawn this out-of-shape has its benefits.

Ethan: Like what?

Ralph: Well, you could finally make that live-action Pikmin adaptation that you’ve always wanted.

Ethan: You’re right. I could!

Ralph: See, a little optimism goes a long way!

Ethan: But the lawn guys are probably coming right now, oh no.

Ralph: Just call them off before they get here. It’s pretty early; they might not have even left yet.

Ethan: Ok.

Ethan grabs a cell phone out of his jacket pocket and calls the lawn service. There is no response.

Ethan: They didn’t answer.

Ralph: Call again. They will probably answer.

Ethan calls again. Still no answer.

Ethan: Where are they?

Ralph: Probably on their way. You’ll have to tell them in person.

Ethan: But they’ll charge me a fee!

Ralph: It’s either that, or say goodbye to your Bulborb Dreams.

Ethan: The fee is acceptable…

Ralph: Good. Now let’s wait for them to come.

Silence for a few moments. They look around the neighborhood and at each other at times, until they get bored.

Ethan: When are they going to get here…

Ralph: It’s only been a couple minutes since I even came over here. Be patient!

Ethan: Well, you are not helping pass the time whatsoever, Silent Sam!

Ralph: My name is Ralph.

Ethan: Is it? I didn’t actually know what it was.

Ralph: We’ve been neighbors for seven years, Ethan…

Ethan: Sorry, I’ve been sick!

Ralph: How many neighbors do you even know?

Ethan: I know Maximilian… He’s cool.

Ralph: There is no one in this neighborhood named Maximilian.

Ethan: I know… That plan wasn’t going to work anyway. Even if there was, you would have asked me questions about him, and I would not have known what to say.

Ralph: Then why did you try it in the first place, Ethan? It was a dirty trick.

Ethan: I’m sorry… You’re right.

Ethan begins to sob. Ralph hugs him.

Ralph: There there, it’s okay.

Ethan: I just want some friends…

Ralph: I’ll be your friend.

Ethan: My best friend?

Ralph: No.

Ethan: It was worth a shot.

Ralph: That it was.

They cease the embrace.

Ethan: You are right though, I am very impatient. I probably should have waited for the phone to ring more than twice when I called the lawn people.

Ralph: You mean you never actually called the lawn people.

Ethan: No… I was impatient!

(Beat)

Ralph: So they are not actually coming?!

Ethan: Oh yes, they are. They called me back the next day when they noticed the missed call. I’m impatient; not stupid!

Ralph: Okay, okay. Good. This is not all just a waste of time, then.

Ethan: And if it is?

Ralph: I dunno. Then this will be a boring waste of time?

Ethan: That’s all?

Ralph: Yeah, did you think I would freak out and do something drastic if this turned out to be a waste of time?

Ethan: Kinda…?

Ralph: Like what?

Ethan: Like… I’m not really sure. I just did. It’s more dramatic that way.

Ralph: Hmm…

Ralph ponders for a moment, in deep thought.

Ethan: What?

Ralph: Fine. If this turns out to be a waste of time… I will get an axe out and chase you around the neighborhood. All right?

Ethan: Sounds cool.

Ralph: Good.

They wait once again. Neither speaks.

Ralph: So, why are you so obsessed with Pikmin, anyway?

Ethan: Well my dad Wert was a pretty big fan when he was younger.

Ralph: So you are following in your dad’s footsteps? That’s cool.

Ethan: Yeah. It is.

Ralph: I kind of liked Pikmin back in the day. Pikmin 8: The Return of Olimar was my favorite.

Ethan: Really? The MMO aspects were good, but I didn’t think the main story was as good, at least in that one.

Ralph: Well I was never a big single player girl when I was a kid. Now that I’m a grown man, I probably would like it more. I get all the social activity I want with my kids and their friends’ parents.

Ethan: My dad never let me go outside when I was a kid, so I didn’t really socialize that much.

Ralph: Why not?

Ethan: I’m not really sure why. I was sick for one, but more likely it was because of my other dad, Andrew. Wert never wanted me to meet him for reasons I have never fully explored.

Ralph: That is simply the mystery of parents.

Ethan: Yep.

Another moment of silence.

Ethan: So… I don’t think they’re coming.

Ralph: Probably not.

Ethan: Wanna go inside and watch the game?

Ralph: It’d be more exciting than waiting for some mowing service that will never come.

Ethan: If they show up and mow my lawn… Too bad I guess. But I really don’t want to wait any longer. It’s kind of boring.

Ralph: So true.

They go inside Ethan’s house.

Curtains.

A moment after the curtains close.

Ethan: Hey! Watch where you swing that axe!

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