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The war raged on for a full eighteen cycles, and eventually all the Lordesses were dead. They had completely destroyed the entire Bulbear Hierarchy; all that remained was the ruins of a once-great society, and the despaired Bulbears that remained. Chaos ran rampant. M’tsarhg’i still survived, but her platoon was gone. She wanted a way to end this madness, but she felt hopeless.
It was then she had an idea. She left from the capital, which was besieged heavily and very little still stood. There was a place very far away that she had once travelled; did it hold the answers that she so desperately sought?
She entered a cave. It was dark, gloomy, moody, grim, desolate, unhappy, brazen, monstrous, and not a trace of light existed within it, except for the dim fire that lit far in the distance, many holes beneath where she stood. She made careful note not to disturb the many sleeping creatures, but there were too many. One woke up and alerted the others, and began their pursuit. They were much like Bulborbs, but they were different. More vicious. Angry. Hungry. Their children even followed them around. She knew she had to make it down as fast as she could before she became nourishment for these young ones.
Finally, she reached her destination; the Bulbax caverns. She greeted the gigantic Emperor Bulbax in the throne room in which he resided, and asked.
I am greeting you.
My home is in shambles now,
Can you help us with this?
The Emperor grunted a rejection of power. But, vehemently, she pressed on. He gave in suddenly, and promised to re-unify the Bulbears after so long in turmoil.
With a catch. The Bulbax Dynasty took over the entire M_ichgvill and rounded up the surviving male Bulbaxes, forcing them into slavery at the will of the Bulbax Queen, who could reproduce with any Bulborb species to make its vile offspring. It was unification, but not the kind that she expected. Not at all.
Upon realizing her folly, M’tsarhg’i raced back to the capital that was ransacked by the Bulbaxes. She ran, sacked the palace, and found some young Bulbears cowering in a room. She and the other survivors, all of whom were females, took these grubs and made off with them. When they were finally a safe distance away from the Bulbax Armies, they made a plan. They would take these young ones and, like the creatures M’tsarhg’i saw in the caverns, teach them how to become warriors of their own. They would wander the M_ichgvill as nomads and eventually they would gather strength. Strength enough to battle the Bulbaxes and finally re-unite their species once and for all!
The remaining females took on the titles of Lordesses, an ironic gesture at the felons that began the entire deterioration, and dispersed themselves. M’tsarhg’i took to the Gnikcuf, better known as the Perplexing Pools, where she would teach these young Bulbears what she knew, as the nomad that she now was.
oRen was still distraught from the Covenant-Castration between himself and his former Consort-Meister Bwo’m’n, who recently passed away. His duties as a Warrior-Champion did not falter, but his spirits were down significantly. A while after the events, he took a leave of absence for some personal time, and went to his home on the outskirts of the town. He spoke to M’tsarhgi’i for the first time since. He and Bwo’m’n separated because this girl wanted to become a warrior, and if that was what she wanted, then so be it. He would teach her what he knew.
Let us get down here,
To the business of war,
Of which you will learn.
He turned to face the sunset overhead. It was almost hunting time. The perfect opportunity to beseech information upon his child, who was now begotten onto him. The Izan were their prey, and they would hunt many of them. M’tsarhg’i spoke to him in curiosity:
Parc, knowledge I seek.
Teach me how to learn the hunt.
To be ready now.
This is what oRen said in response:
A novice you are.
But soon you will fight with me.
We will hunt much, girl.
And so they did. A cycle passed, and M’tsarhg’i was a finer warrior than any male except for oRen, now King, despite being the first and only female to ever walk this path. She was strong, yet her bold nature never tempered itself as she matured. Her brashness led many a suitor away, even the most likely to inherit greatness. She knew all too well the true natures of these would-be Consort-Meisters; they were Bulbears, and that meant that they were vile, and not to be trusted, as each had some sort of ulterior motive in these courtships.
Her father had a word to speak with her one day.
Can it really be?
Eight cycles I have been King.
Never a war, though.
His expression was solemn.
These four lordesses.
They fight a war over me.
They are such dumb hos.
The Lordess’s plan did succeed, but when Bwo’m’n’s territory and ex-Consort-Meister were both up for grabs at once, it caused each of the four to become greedy and try to take it all for themselves. A complete civil war broke out, with only the King’s Forces remaining neutral in the conflict. If their infighting did not stop, it would destroy the Bulbear Hierarchy in its entirety.
You must go, daughter,
Take my army and fight them,
Resolve the conflict.
She went. M’tsarhg’i’s platoon was soon pinned down near the mountains of H’semaglig. Sixteen troops surrounded the location, completely overpowering her forces, even as strong as they were. The mountain’s large, crested, rocky face gleamed upon the uhm, the gallant taste of battle, and the chariot of water that was the experience of life. Only it could possibly give gracious suave, glittering beauty, and gloriousness to such a scene of most intense death, which loomed all over the world, which is known as M_ichgvill or “Our land is my land” in the Bulbear tongue, and perpetrated great suffering in the dark hour of the abyss of this mighty war, called the Second Great War by many a soldier, these soliders being the ones who were destined for a valiant battle; eight hundred strong were M’tsarhg’i’s forces, and they were vying for a clean victory to call their own after a slosh of whippings; blood had been spewed aplenty in battles of yore.
Kms’urm’all knew this was the last time he would ever see E’rid’n. This battle was intense, and he needed to share one last moment with his comrade. They were friends for almost four cycles now, longer than he had even known that he was a Tryon. Maybe E’rid’n would survive, but he just had this feeling that he himself would not, and that he would never be able to see his best Quonon ever again, so he had one last conversation with him.
You are my brother,
And though I may pass on soon,
You will still be so.
E’rid’n was always interested in wooing his hopeful-Consort-Meister F’f’ri, but he knew now that his place was with Kms’urm’all, and he too would die today. Kms’urm’all’s own consort-meister P’bh’d perished in the early days of the Second Great War, and he needed someone to go to Allhalav with him.
They both would indeed die that day.
 Izan translates loosely to “Those who have no willpower. They are referring to what we know as the Pikmin, who were almost completely defenseless at night, but it can mean any species that the Bulbears think of as weak and puny. They sometimes hunted Whiskerpillars and baby Dweevil just like this.
 Parc means father in the tongue of the Bulbear, but it is usually reserved only for a father figure that is very highly respected by the speaker.
 H’semaglig is the founding point where the L-ution Clan and the oMax Clan signed a treaty in Cycle -6, a turning point in the Great War.
 Uhm means the “stage upon which battles are fought”. The location of a battle is much more well-remembered than the battle itself to Bulbears.
 M_ichgvill, or the world, was named so by the first King, L-Tvuaim, lamenting over the tragic loss of the D_D Clan, the only one to be completely destroyed in the Great War.
 Tryon are Bulbears that have been known to possess a latent psychic ability. They were long outcasted by Bulbear society, but have recently come into the light as the possible future of the entire species.
 Quonon means brother. Bulbear siblings rarely became companions, but when they did, their relationship was more prevalent than almost anything else.
 Allhalav is the afterlife based upon the religious texts of the YYYin-Ghou, written by the Prophet rinouonir in Cycle 134. Approximately 16% of the Bulbear population follows these texts.
(Tagged Wert_Ac because I wrote this in honor of him. Also status update on the remaining Short Story Writing Adventure stories; I wrote this instead of them and now the Homestuck Re-Read is taking quite a bit of my time. I will eventually get to them, though! I can’t fall through with something this easy can I :P)
(Credit to fellow IRC member Dr. Monoxide for this beautiful cover)
Editing by Jacob Bartlett
This actually came as a challenge: write a ridiculous story while at Student Life Camp for four days. I pursued this challenge and hopefully succeeded in the ridiculous factor by far.
This is the story of the Bulbear named M’tsargh’i. Born to the royal Lordess Bwo’m’n and her Consort-Meister oRen, the Warrior-Champion of Cycle 311 who was destined to become the next King despite his birth into peasantry, she was very privileged. Powerful Lordesses loathed Bwo’m’n , themselves lusting over oRen and his prowess, and petulantly promised to rid themselves of her once and for all. However, their murderous plans phased out when M’t’sarhgi was born, cementing the union between the Lordess and Warrior-Champion. They would have to find another way to lead his affections astray rather than by simply killing Bwo’m’n.
For you see, the Bublbear Hierarchy as it is known today was not fully established in its social fashions and customs, as it was long before the Bulbax Dynasty held reign over the incomparable dominion that it does now. Each species of Bulborb had its own independent form of structure, and the one unique to the Bulbear Hierarchy was that of the hunter-gatherer. The females took care of the young while the males took a nocturnal stance at predatorship, prowling the night in search of food for those back at home. Each union of a male and female of the species was highly regarded once their offspring were produced, and the bonds could then only be broken by a Covenant-Castration, which was a messy ordeal that was not fitting for a life so regal as a Bulbear’s.
There was no code of laws or set of written rituals in place in the Bulbear Hierarchy, other than the chain of command in the ranks of each of the two sexes. Males were determined entirely by their militarial stature, in a somewhat organized system from the foot-hunters to the King himself. This allowed for actual strategic input when the Bulbears clashed with the other races, as they did not have any sort of tangible military force, leading to the Bulbear Hierarchy’s spot as the most fearsome of the Genus. Females has a complex social structure riddled with deceit, lust, selfish desire, and double-sided natures. The Lordesses were the monarchial rulers of each district of territory in the land, and becoming one took excessive wit and cunning treachery. There was no order of advancement when a Lordess passed on except who was able to win her piror favor, as biological inheritance was frowned upon, so those under her constantly dueled for her affections. It was such a divisive game of fates that the sexes almost acted independently in life; their only real interactions were for the purposes of food, mating, and gaining territory, though having a prominent Consort-Meister was essential to create a desirable offspring that could carry on the Bulbear’s legacy.
Both sexes were utterly obsessed with how they would be remembered during this time. Each cycle, one warrior would be crowned champion for his superior efforts, and at the passing of the king, each surviving Warrior-Champion would battle to the ends of their existences to usurp control for themselves, and to hopefully win a Lordess as their Consort-Meister once they became one. oRen, a spectacular and amazing warrior in all respects, managed to accomplish the latter benefit without even yet becoming a king. That was simply how strong he was a Bulbear.
More powerful Consort-Meisters also meant more territory to carve out for the Lordess, and the competition between the Lordesses for territory is what led the four Lordesses oNixe, L-Mitsh, Lexicln, and urasaru to formulate their devious plot to overthrow Bwo’m’n.
Two cycles after M’tsarhg’i was conceived and thrust into the world, she was already showing the prodigious skills that were also possessed within her father. This made her a hot-tempered and fierce Bulbear, which was most unbecoming of a female of the species, and scared away many comrades of a like age. Bwo’m’n tried to the utmost extent to convert her daughter to the mindset of a future Lordess, but her intense and brash personality rejected the very notion of it. Her stays with the Lordess L-Mitsh did not help either; this Lordess knew all too well of the dilemma and actually encouraged the young girl to behave in this manner. M’tsargh’i would get in fights with Bulbear boys almost every day, and when Bwo’m’n was forced to apologize for it, L-Mitsh pretended to be enraged, knowing that Bwo’m’n was trying her hardest to help her daughter become a Lordess like her.
One day, after a particularly rough duel between M’tsarhg’i and a Bulbear girl that pushed her, Bwo’m’n became fed up with the tenacity of this girl of hers.
I have grown weary,
As your games have grown quite old,
And you still keep on.
She continued her angered rant.
I hear you say much
You want to be a fighter?
Then go and do so.
Bwo’m’n had given into M’tsarghi’i’s demands. If she wanted to become a warrior, if she wanted to go down the path of life as an unruly boy, then so be it. She led her to oRen and said:
You will keep her now,
She desires to war, fight,
I cannot love that.
This passing of a child from mother to father for keepsake was done only at the event of a Covenant-Castration, and though this was not Bwo’m’n’s intention, it meant that her union with oRen was finished. And thus the Lordesses completed their plan.
oRen rescinded his military power from Bwo’m’n’s district and took the other six children that she had birthed as well. This Covenant-Castration was so devastating to Bwo’m’n that she perished from grief not half a cycle later with no chosen heir to be her successor.
Hey! Over on my tumblr blog, I am chronicling my thoughts on the MSPA Community Re-Read (http://tinyurl.con/Three-Read)! I don’t want to clutter up this blog TOO badly, so I decided to make a tumblr specially for it. The link is here:
I would encourage you to not only read this blog while it is ongoing, but to participate in the Re-Read yourself and make your own notes! It’s really fun.