The Evolution Revolution

Archive for the month “January, 2014”

JJ Abrams and the Quest for Canon

The effects Star Wars Episode VII is having on the Expanded Universe are interesting to say the least. I am worried for all my favorite books and comics, but I’m also somewhat excited for the new stories that will be coming our way in 12 months, whatever they may be. All I want is for the Jedi Prince series to be canon, okay?! 😛

Roqoo Depot

jjYesterday Leland Chee Tweeted that the Story Group at Lucasfilm has full control on what is and isn’t canon in the Star Wars Universe.  That in and of itself has spawned a plethora of stories across the interwebs today.  But I’m going to take you farther down the rabbit hole, I’m going to show how what Leland Tweeted yesterday opens up a whole new can of worms.

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This is a story I wrote way back in 6th grade, for a math class I was only in for 4 weeks before being transferred to the honors class. We had to write about how an error in math could cause something bad to happen, but we weren’t allowed to write anything about actual deaths. Needless to say I probably crossed that many times, but she never said anything about it because I left the class just days later. It’s not any good, but it’s still fun to see a little 11 year old trying to make a cool story about a big war.

My story:

One afternoon, a scientist launching a missile in Washington DC, to probe Pluto for life, typed in the coordinates
code: 00074857558+ 45869= 74003427. But, the first 0 in the code was supposed to be a 9,not a 0, so the missile launched but hit the Washington Monument. The man looked out and saw it explode.
“BLOODY MURDER!” the man screamed. The explosion was so catastrophic that it hit the White House, and all surrounding museums
in the area.No one died, but thousands of injuries had to be treated.

The man hid out in the mountains in Virginia so nobody would arrest him. The public didn’t know that it was a probe missile failure
and thought that terrorists were to blame. They impeached President Bush for not having enough security, and another election was held.
The winner was Kentucky Hugo Hues. Really, he and his entire cabinet were people of Fidel Castro, evil dictator of Cuba.
So, Castro now was under control of US, and he was willing to go to war with every South American country.

A year later, a new scientist launched the second missile, but the night before, the President snuck in and sabotaged the missile.
He launched it, but it went towards China. Citizens screamed in terror when they heard this, because China would launch hundreds of nukes at the US and kill them all. It kept going past China though,
and actually hit Mt. Everest, causing thousands of avalanches, destroying mountain, after mountain, after mountain, until
the avalanches buried 300 miles of Russia and 130 miles of India. The President of Russia caught a new disease called Goryhraxahethenoin or Goryhrax for short
and died. He went to investigate the avalanches the day before,so everyone thought it was a radiation disease. The new President declared war on China (because
that’s where the missile came from) and India did too. India’s untrained military force was defeated by North Korean forces backing up China, and that’s when
Vietnam and South Korea got in a war for a classified(at this time) reason. South Korea defeated Vietnam and attacked North Korea, violating their treaty.
No other thing could go wrong more than what is just about to happen.

The US forces in Iraq just get back when they find out that Castro declares war on all countries of Africa for no reason whatsoever. They don’t know that
Castro’s goonie is President and go off to war. They are taken by surprise, and most people don’t even have 1985 technology, and they give up immediately.
The big mistake is when he declares war on Russia. Now fighting two countries, Russia asks that South Korea, who won against North Korea to be an ally.
South Korea(Now just Korea) accepts, and they fight against the US. Then the US launches a missle at Russia but it malfunctions and hits the English Channel.
France thought that England did it, and launched a war threat against England. England blames France and they do go to war.Finland tried to stop it, but is taken
over by France. Sweden secretly allies with England and aids them in taking over Greenland. It is very easy, and they then build missiles that hit Africa and
France. France responds with the allies of Germany and Austria, but Germany refuses. They had their sights set on a much bigger prize. They attack china by blocking out all supply
routes coming through to China. They next attack Hong Kong with four stealth fighters and then attack Japan, but make it look like China did it. They go to war with

The men in Greenland have now built 400,000 war factories to destroy France with, but the help of Austria and Finland territory is too much. So they team up with
Russia and Japan to annihilate both France and China. The US cuts in and blows the forces of South Korea into tiny bits of dust. They attack China but China steals tons of weapons from Iran and&
Pakistan. The two countries attack China and win, but then attack each other. Pakistan wins but Iraq helps the US defeat them. The US thanks Iraq by taking that country too.
The England/Russia/Japan forces defeat France. Japan fights the US for China territory, while the leaders of England and Russia argue who gets France. Silently but
effectively, Germany has taken over Austria, Kazakhstan, and Indonesia. They settle Russia and England’s argument by launching warheads at Russia. The President
surrenders and Germany takes over Japan. They are merciful to Japan though, and take over China territory. They too will make a huge mistake.

They launch a missile at Australia to take it over, but it had a tiny error and hit a smaller island instead; Cuba. Castro is outraged and attacks Germany with all of its might.
England launches ten hydrogen bombs at a Central American country(evacuated ahead of time) and South America is separated from America. England fuses countries with Germany,
and then launches one at the US and Africa. Castro gives a direct order to his last 1,000,000 troops and they find out who the leader really is. They all join Germany,
and the citizens do, too. Only he and the President are left and they run to the mountains of Virginia like that scientist did. Germany remakes the world back into the right
way, but it probably isn’t enough to fix the new allies and foes made from this humongous war.


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