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Distanced: An Audio Drama


Distanced: An Audio Drama cover art

http://thedude3445.bandcamp.com/album/distanced-an-audio-drama

This is one of the Short Story Writing Adventure Marathon stories that I’ve been putting off making for the longest time. What I have learned from making this Audio Drama is that random fiction generators + improvisation make for really stupid stories.

But anyway, download this album and get a bunch of pictures, including drawings I made when I was 7, .docx files of many other SSWAM stories, and 3 bonus songs (one of which is visible to non-downloaders already, though). It is free and you should download it.

http://thedude3445.bandcamp.com/album/distanced-an-audio-drama

Nova Sparkles


This was the collab story that WhiteKnight from the MSPA IRC wrote with me. It is great! Also 20 pages long.

 

Nova Sparkles

By Thedude3445 and WhiteKnight

(Also I guess Ktalaki helped too) (not really no i didn’t)

 

It was a bright, sunny, and boring day for little Angela Sprinkles, who sat in front of her couch watching TV with contradictory passion. “I love watching the Big Fluffy Sofa!” she yelled every time its commercial came up. It was easily her favorite show; after all, how could something with clowns in it not be funny? But just as the amazing, darling show ended, the four-year-old came across a commercial that sparked more desire in her than anything else had in her brief life.

Read more…

Beat of the Universe: Tale of a Boy


The Beat of the Universe: A Tale of a Boy

By Thedude3445

            It was Victorian Britain. A time of unrest and civil disobedience run rampant. A time where exposition was held high, and the details of the antecedent actions of this short story were explained. Really, it’s just Victorian Britain, but it’s also a dystopia. Is it that hard to understand? No. You got it? Okay. Follow along with me as I tell you this idiotic story.

There was a young farm boy. He lived on a farm, you see? He farmed many things, from animals to plants to fungi to protozoa to bacteria to archaebacteria. It seemed that he was a farmer of many things. This would later come into play in the story. Or it will come into play later in the story, I should say. Write this down. It’s important. No seriously. Get a pen out or something, and write it down. No, I don’t care where; just do it!

Anyway, he was walking along his farm one day, and he stumbled upon a rocket pod. Even though this is Victorian Britain, I guess the rocket pod came from the past or something. Okay, so it’s a far future rocket pod. Good? Good. So he opens it up, and finds an encrypted data feed that has a network of information from this vague future! What could he use this for? He could win bets, for one thing, but that’s pretty clichéd.

What he wanted to use it for was to look up records to find out who he would marry. For, you see, he wasn’t the sharpest young lad out there, and as such, he was not sublimely skilled in the aspects of courtship and speaking to the girls whose affection he desired. My main audience can probably relate. Just kidding! Really, stop taking offense. I’m serious, it was just a joke. Fine, be that way.

I will simply say that he was quite insecure with his prospects with the fairer sex. Quite a few rejections had left him cynical and nearly hopeless, until this data feed came into play! It had a vast cache of knowledge yet to happen, including his family tree for hundreds of years to come. Who was the lucky woman that would join him in marriage?

A girl by the name of… Margaret Roberts? Who? He continued to plunder through this sick loot he had discovered, and searched through a quite thorough database for who this young lass might turn out to be, and where she may be now.

The results were shocking; he would have to make some major adjustments to his lifestyle if he were to marry this woman. Fortunately for him, she didn’t much care for external factors, or else he would have been instantly ruled out. He wasn’t the most shining chap out there, if you get my gist. His most insurmountable problem would be how to reach her at all!

In a serious bout of Deus ex Machina, the recovered pod was able to teleport him to exactly the location he most desired. If this wasn’t as short a story, and I was writing for any sort of quality whatsoever, I probably would have included a more in-depth research on his destination, and some philosophical debate of the ethics of this pod and if any one person should ever be able to learn of the future. As a matter of fact, I probably should have done that, seeing as this story is going to be just shy of two pages by the time it is finished, which’ll be in not but two or three paragraphs; don’t worry your sorry little hide about having to trudge through such a horrid work of fiction. Anyway, he stepped on the warp pad on the pod, and off he went.

It was now 1951. It was still Britain, however. He looked up, shocked by the massive changes in culture in the near-century gap since his departure, but shocked just the same by the beautiful woman standing in front of him. She was obviously completely overcome with attraction for him, and this bolstered his spirits right off the bat.

“Why, hello there,” she greeted him. “Name’s Margaret. Yours?”

“Dennis.”

This was going to be an interesting marriage.

The… end?

You see….


I was trekkin’ along pretty nicely with these short stories, with the fourth and fifth partly done and the six and seventh ready to go right afterwards, but then I started a collab story with fellow MSPA IRC member WhiteKnight. This took several hours, and now we are invested in this all-new story that is much longer than originally expected. That will come out in a few days. But as for the rest of these stories that I have not finished, I will do so as quickly as I can. But the marathon was lame and failed because collab stories are just too good. So lesson: When you are trying for quantity over quality, don’t collab.

Luckily (or not) for you, you are still getting the same number of stories that you would have gotten, just at a later date than before.

The Metapolis: Part One


Part of the Short Story Writing Adventure! (please remember that this does not accurately reflect on my writing skills I am just trying to write fast :P)

Metapolis: Part 1

By Thedude3445

            This was America, and it was an America of fantasy. Long before the European Settlers arrived on the continent, there was magic. There was technology. There was civilization. It all collapsed thousands of years ago, and the ruins of the society were all but nonexistent… until now. Documents that explicitly analyzed the events of old have come up, and we have discovered a plethora of new information about the ancestors of the American Indians.

The most interesting of these stories is that of a young man named Bob Richton. Several pieces that we have uncovered chronicle the life of this interesting person, and it is a very peculiar one. We had our experts arrange the documents pertaining him into a cohesive series of prose to promote the study of this man’s journey in this pre-Columbian America.

 

Walking out of the university, Bob Richton looked out on the landscape of America. A metropolis of magic is what he saw. Manaether, the energy that flowed around all people of the continent, was so powerful that it could be harvested and implemented into Magitech. Because of this, Americans were able to become the most technologically advanced peoples in the entire world. They developed the first Manaether energy bomb before the rest of the world could wield iron tools. But they would not interfere with them. It was a solemn vow that all Americans had to take to avoid all contact with the outside world. This promise was only broken a few times that Richton knew of; the Great Pyramids first came to mind, and so did the Celtic Druids, but all others were mostly insignificant.

Richton knew that eventually, these peoples would gain the technological know-how to be able to travel to America. He could not estimate how long it would take, but when they did, he feared his kind would be unable to cope with the change and war would break out. He doubted the outside world would ever discover Manaether, but if they did, it would change everything.

That is what Richton studied about in college. He was a student of Magiphysics, but his true passion was speculative futurism. That is why he was leaving to go to the store to buy Manamaterials to write fan fiction about the outside world and the adventures he thought they would have. Their lives, made so simple by the lack of Manaether, captivated him, and drew him to the Etherpen every night to write stories upon stories. He never published these, but one day he would. One day he would.

One day, he bumped into an old man. He was obviously slightly demented, as he looked around like he could not tell that the person who bumped into him was directly in front of him. Richton gazed oddly, until the old man spoke.

“Son, you need to help me. I have lost my glasses, and I need you to help me find the key to the Vault of Anesthesia. It is very important to your safety that you do this.” This is what the old man said.

Richton could not speak, for a bunch of warbots burst out of the wall and shot the old man down. They began pursuing Richton as well. He was an able-bodied runner, but the warbots were powered by Manaether, and were extremely fast. The only choice he had was to conjure up some manaether strength to blast them into oblivion. Which he did.

What really mattered to Richton now was figuring out why these warbots attacked the old man and then him. So he went to the police office department to file a report. They seemed oddly anxious about him being in there while he was filling out the etherpaperwork, and it set him on edge. Suddenly, the police officers pulled out their magiweapons and began attacking  him. Richton threw his etherpen and killed one of them, but there were still three that were firing away. He grabbed a magiweapon off of the one officer’s dead body and blasted the remaining ones.

This was becoming a serious problem, with these people attacking him. It must have had something to do with the old man and the Vault of Anesthesia. Before he died, he said that he needed to find the key to unlock this vault so… That was what he was going to do.

Where would he look first? There was a key factory over on the north side of town, he remembered. So that is where he went. Except when he got there, it was completely destroyed! That is when he realized that the government was manipulating events. The government was evil and was trying to prevent him from fulfilling his mission. There was only one person he could trust.

He went to the metalsmith shop where Anna Shirley performed her daily job. They had a thing for many years, until it was revealed that she was the captain of the U.A.N. Ghostly Guise, a pirate airship powered by Manaether that pillaged across the entire Earth, not just America either. Their terror was known even to the outside world! That was, until Richton took town the airship with his militia of warbots. Their relationship was over, but the Earth was safe from pirates. They still kept a professional relationship in the years since, however.

“You want me to make a key that can open the Vault of Anesthesia?” She asked. Richton told her that this was true. So the two of them set off to the Vault itself, held in the capital city of America; Milwaukee!

 

This place was like Hell. Fire and Brimstone literally covered the area known as Wisconsin. Dragons were everywhere. This should have been the tip-off to Richton that the government was evil, but he figured that it was a strategic defense zone or something… Never mind that Milwaukee was located at the bottom of a valley or anything. ..

They found the Vault of Anesthesia. Anna got out her welding gear and began preparing the key while Richton kept guard in case any government officials began to attack them. They never did, however, and they entered the Vault with ease.

Something kept Richton on edge, however. It just felt unnatural for so little conflict to be happening at what should be the climax of their adventure. Something was bound to happen. The Vault was almost completely empty, except for an odd relic in the center, so he assumed this was a trap or something.

“It’s not a trap, goodness Richton!” said Anna suddenly. “You have been on edge ever since we entered! Do you even know what the Vault of Anesthesia holds?”

Richton told her that he did not know.

“This thing in the center, you see it?” She pointed to the relic. “It’s a portal.”

“To what?”

“Atlantis.”

Richton gasped. Atlantis?! That was the ancient civilization that had all but disappeared by the time theirs had begun; it was so far advanced that it was assumed they travelled off into space before sinking their own continent, which had previously connected Africa and America. If the continent still existed somehow, it could change everything about the way the worlds’ civilization progressed.

“It exists,” she told Richton. “But we, the government, cannot yet open it. That is why I summoned you.”

She pressed down on her wrist, transforming her into the crazed old man that he had seen before. Richton completely forgot that Anna was a member of the Fuchsia tribe, peoples who were able to shapeshift with their manaether abilities.

But he was curious about one thing. “Why me?”

“You have manaether powers beyond the possibilities of any other in America. You have the key that can unlock the universe.”

“But you have the key, remember?”

“Not this key.” Anna tossed the key she made to open the Vault. “The key is inside you.”

And with that, he cast a magispell upon the relic. Not one that he already knew, but an instinctual one. It opened up a pinkish vortex of swirling manaether; the portal to Atlantis. They stepped in.

 

Waiting For the Mow


First Short Story Writing Adventure story!

Waiting For the Mow

By Thedude3445

No I have not actually read Waiting For Godot, as you can tell.

Setting: A bench on a sidewalk in front of a man’s house, with comically tall grass on the lawn behind him.

Ethan is sitting on the bench, staring off into the distance. His neighbor, Ralph, walks up to him.

Ralph: Hey, Ethan, I haven’t seen you in a while!

Ethan: I know. I’ve been inside for the last couple of weeks with a really bad case of the flu. It was terrible.

Ralph: The flu? What’s that?

Ethan: Oh no, it seems that I have been sent off to an alternate universe while I was sick at home! A universe where the flu never existed and where Martians will be able to invade the Earth and not be killed off by germs!

Ralph: I was just kidding.

Ethan: Oh.

(Beat)

Ralph:  So what brings you to the outside world today, Ethan?

Ethan: Well, I called a lawn service to trim my lawn every Tuesday while I was sick, but they never showed up!

Ralph: So basically you just got ripped off?

Ethan: That’s the odd part. I never even paid them. They weren’t going to accept payment until after the job was done.

Ralph: So what does it really matter that they didn’t come?

Ethan: Umm…

Ethan turns his head and looks at the lawn. Ralph turns in response and freaks at seeing the several feet-tall grass.

Ralph: How long were you sick, again?

Ethan:  A while.

(beat)

Ethan: I really need the lawn guys to come, because I have no way to cut grass this tall!

Ralph: You could just like burn it or something.

Ethan: And then the rest of the neighborhood.

Ralph: Good point. But maybe a lawn this out-of-shape has its benefits.

Ethan: Like what?

Ralph: Well, you could finally make that live-action Pikmin adaptation that you’ve always wanted.

Ethan: You’re right. I could!

Ralph: See, a little optimism goes a long way!

Ethan: But the lawn guys are probably coming right now, oh no.

Ralph: Just call them off before they get here. It’s pretty early; they might not have even left yet.

Ethan: Ok.

Ethan grabs a cell phone out of his jacket pocket and calls the lawn service. There is no response.

Ethan: They didn’t answer.

Ralph: Call again. They will probably answer.

Ethan calls again. Still no answer.

Ethan: Where are they?

Ralph: Probably on their way. You’ll have to tell them in person.

Ethan: But they’ll charge me a fee!

Ralph: It’s either that, or say goodbye to your Bulborb Dreams.

Ethan: The fee is acceptable…

Ralph: Good. Now let’s wait for them to come.

Silence for a few moments. They look around the neighborhood and at each other at times, until they get bored.

Ethan: When are they going to get here…

Ralph: It’s only been a couple minutes since I even came over here. Be patient!

Ethan: Well, you are not helping pass the time whatsoever, Silent Sam!

Ralph: My name is Ralph.

Ethan: Is it? I didn’t actually know what it was.

Ralph: We’ve been neighbors for seven years, Ethan…

Ethan: Sorry, I’ve been sick!

Ralph: How many neighbors do you even know?

Ethan: I know Maximilian… He’s cool.

Ralph: There is no one in this neighborhood named Maximilian.

Ethan: I know… That plan wasn’t going to work anyway. Even if there was, you would have asked me questions about him, and I would not have known what to say.

Ralph: Then why did you try it in the first place, Ethan? It was a dirty trick.

Ethan: I’m sorry… You’re right.

Ethan begins to sob. Ralph hugs him.

Ralph: There there, it’s okay.

Ethan: I just want some friends…

Ralph: I’ll be your friend.

Ethan: My best friend?

Ralph: No.

Ethan: It was worth a shot.

Ralph: That it was.

They cease the embrace.

Ethan: You are right though, I am very impatient. I probably should have waited for the phone to ring more than twice when I called the lawn people.

Ralph: You mean you never actually called the lawn people.

Ethan: No… I was impatient!

(Beat)

Ralph: So they are not actually coming?!

Ethan: Oh yes, they are. They called me back the next day when they noticed the missed call. I’m impatient; not stupid!

Ralph: Okay, okay. Good. This is not all just a waste of time, then.

Ethan: And if it is?

Ralph: I dunno. Then this will be a boring waste of time?

Ethan: That’s all?

Ralph: Yeah, did you think I would freak out and do something drastic if this turned out to be a waste of time?

Ethan: Kinda…?

Ralph: Like what?

Ethan: Like… I’m not really sure. I just did. It’s more dramatic that way.

Ralph: Hmm…

Ralph ponders for a moment, in deep thought.

Ethan: What?

Ralph: Fine. If this turns out to be a waste of time… I will get an axe out and chase you around the neighborhood. All right?

Ethan: Sounds cool.

Ralph: Good.

They wait once again. Neither speaks.

Ralph: So, why are you so obsessed with Pikmin, anyway?

Ethan: Well my dad Wert was a pretty big fan when he was younger.

Ralph: So you are following in your dad’s footsteps? That’s cool.

Ethan: Yeah. It is.

Ralph: I kind of liked Pikmin back in the day. Pikmin 8: The Return of Olimar was my favorite.

Ethan: Really? The MMO aspects were good, but I didn’t think the main story was as good, at least in that one.

Ralph: Well I was never a big single player girl when I was a kid. Now that I’m a grown man, I probably would like it more. I get all the social activity I want with my kids and their friends’ parents.

Ethan: My dad never let me go outside when I was a kid, so I didn’t really socialize that much.

Ralph: Why not?

Ethan: I’m not really sure why. I was sick for one, but more likely it was because of my other dad, Andrew. Wert never wanted me to meet him for reasons I have never fully explored.

Ralph: That is simply the mystery of parents.

Ethan: Yep.

Another moment of silence.

Ethan: So… I don’t think they’re coming.

Ralph: Probably not.

Ethan: Wanna go inside and watch the game?

Ralph: It’d be more exciting than waiting for some mowing service that will never come.

Ethan: If they show up and mow my lawn… Too bad I guess. But I really don’t want to wait any longer. It’s kind of boring.

Ralph: So true.

They go inside Ethan’s house.

Curtains.

A moment after the curtains close.

Ethan: Hey! Watch where you swing that axe!

Short Story Writing Adventure Update


Tomorrow will be the Short Story Writing Adventure Marathon Day, where I write as many short stories as I can in a 24-hour period. I will post the stories here when I finish.

Homestuck Marching Band Show (UPDATE)


http://db.tt/eY4khrlE

This is a powerpoint that I have made for the concept of a Homestuck Marching Band Show! Share this with everyone! I will repost this as many times as I possibly can because this must become a reality!

I am basically reposting this.

May 29: Short Story Writing Adventure Marathon!


Mark your calendars. I am doing a challenge on Tuesday, May 29. I will be writing as many short stories as I possibly can withing a 24-hour period. I will not sleep on this day.

The rules are that every short story must be generated either from this or the TVTropes . I alreaady tested it and picked 5 different stories that I will write, but if I am able to finish all of them within this time period, I will do even more.

I will not be trying for creativity, experimentation, or quality. Quantity is the word for this Writing Adventure. I would try and like set up a charity marathon thing but meh. I will do that if I do another one.

Wish me luck! If you want to do it too, hit me up and we can collab or something for one story. I encourage all writers to do this. It probably improves your writing skills. Probably.

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