The Evolution Revolution

Archive for the tag “dumb”

Leaving the Internet until August 4th

I know I haven’t even made a post on this blog in forever, but I will notify you that this dearth of content will preside for even longer.

Starting at midnight tonight, I am going to involve myself in an experiment. I haven’t gone a full week without the internet since I was in the 5th grade, so what would it be like to go an entire month and a half without it? This reprieve will hopefully increase my productivity so that I can write my novel Cosmic Dreamers, as well as finish some books, movies, and games that I have been putting off for years.

I will try to keep a log (diary lol) of each day, in hopes that looking back, I will find a positive increase in my life, rather than a descent into boredom and madness. This log will be posted soon after I return, on August 4th.

Fare ye well, internet.

(the reason I’m returning August 4th is because of Pikmin 3, btw!!!!!)


My farewell present:

Bottle of Dog

ByNS story. Tried to make a stream-of-consciousness narrative. Failed. Posting anyway.


Bottle of Dog

An Experiment by Thedude3445


       Taking a drink the whiskey falls down my throat the fire of happiness fills me yes it is a warmth in my cold heart lost over the years of hard combat on these streets of Z’ox too many young people dead too much innocence lost by this horrible war drugs to prevalent governor wages battle against it drug lords fight back everyone pays I paid my eye is gone the right one it was so painful oh man why won’t I just get drunk already three drinks downed and still wide awake what was that shit the bartender’s gone one blaster shot barely misses me more drug lords I wonder where my gun is manufactured by Proteus himself great guy pretty hot can’t think about that right now need to live beard singed by scorching laserbolt punch good for you ow arrgh agh there there stay and sleep forever ah look at that he has many things with him medkit Nabisco sword using that first ever laser-reflective  blade in existence created by kind Dionysus Nabisco aren’t as good as my gun but effective has many uses like on doors windows other Nabisco sword users guns aren’t good against them now time to go have to find the drug lords kill them all the war has gone on far too long police not good anymore used to be and not anymore too soft new governor new police with him times have changes war is coming me against everyone I’m doing this these drug lords killed their last man bam bam laser still loud even after all these years getting rusty only killed ten so far sliced another death’s glory shining happiness upon me bload soaking the ground oh yeah oh man lets go do this bam bam slice reflect drug lords are dead finally mine I am finished my purpose is over Nabisco sword against my chest Proetus I love you sword through my chest it is a warmth in my cold heart finally dead

To Be or Not to Be: That is the Adventure! – Last Minute Kickstarter Push

This is quite literally the MOST AWESOME THING ever. $526,000 has been raised so far, and let’s see if we can get it to $600,000 by the end of the project!!! You can get a digital copy of the book for just $15, and both digital and paperback for $20 (a hardback copy is $50 though. 😦 ) The more money this project gets, the more books get donated to libraries across North America, and that’s always great!

The Most Disappointing Candy

This is Now & Later, the most disappointing candy of all time. When you first look at it, you think, “Oh boy! It’s a delicious Starburst candy!” You take the wrapper off (if all of the wrapper even comes off. Parts of it usually stick to the candy), take a bite, and break your teeth. This is not a soft, juicy candy; no, this is a flavored rock. You painfully chew for a couple of years before it breaks down to the point where you think you can swallow it without choking out, and then it’s over.

The worst part of Now & Later is not that it is a bad candy, but that it is such a poser Starburst imitator. The creators of this candy must have been really either really low to trick people into thinking they are buying Starbust, or they are huge hipsters and say, “Ha, Starburst? That stuff doesn’t take you an hour to chew. Let’s make a candy that does! Mmmmm, yum! I can taste the broken-off pieces of my teeth!”

Maybe I am over-analyzing this, but I am thinking that it is possible the denture industry is the reason these candies still exist. The FDA should not approve of this stuff being produced, so maybe they get paid a little extra in Sea-Bond bonuses, the candy sells well by accident, the denture industry makes a huge profit, and then everyone is happy. Everyone except for the poor, unfortunate souls that have to eat this candy, that is.

Wert Em /bark/s

A story by Wert_Ac, creator of karkatyells and kidnapper of Andrew Hussie, from the MSPA IRC at

18:38 Wert_Ac clears his throat, and prepares to start speaking in present tense regardless of this story taking place in the past.
18:39 *** eqdw joined #MSPA
18:39 Wert_Ac I slowly open my crusty eyes on a Sunday morning, laying catatonic in my futon.
18:39 BISlover4412 eqdw wert is telling a story
18:39 Claus HI eqdw
18:39 eqdw ?
18:39 Wert_Ac The time displaying on the clock in front of me says “3:02 PM” .
18:39 BISlover4412 Listen carefully, and take some notes
18:39 Wert_Ac It occurs to me that I slept past what would be school hours if it were a week day and flop out of bed.
18:40 Poh back
18:40 Wert_Ac I wipe what I hope is an excessive amount of drool off my face, and smear it into my already stained carpet.
18:40 techloveArtist
18:40 techloveArtist
18:40 Wert_Ac The clock now read 3:05 PM.
18:40 techloveArtist ok, now you can go back to your sto- ok
18:41 Poh vriskas lacking of spiders to other pokemon ratio scares me
18:41 Wert_Ac I open some drawers and pull out some cloths. Jeans. A t-shirt that says “Normal people scare me”, and some underpants.
18:41 Wert_Ac I slip into my sunday attire and prepare to start my day.
18:41 Pbhead erudab gas 5 magicarps?
18:42 Pbhead lol
18:42 techloveArtist Poh: 1) could be according to personality 2) could be not enough spider pokemon
18:42 techloveArtist Pbhead: yup
18:42 Wert_Ac I search though my house, looking for any sign of inhabitants.
18:42 Pbhead meh
18:42 Wert_Ac It appears everyone left me behind to take care of some chore. Perhaps grocery shopping.
18:42 Wert_Ac I decide, in stead of having breakfast, I’ll go for a walk.
18:43 Pbhead Vriska would not care a shit about spiders, she would be picking things totally based on stats and munchkining.
18:43 Pbhead spiders would just be a bonus.
18:43 Wert_Ac I exist my home, locking the door behind me, and take a right up the street.
18:43 BISlover4412 wow
18:43 Wert_Ac mortMan’s house appears to be empty. I pass it and reach the dead end of the street.
18:43 BISlover4412 On the test I took today, “exist” was typoed into “exit”
18:43 Claus How do you exist an home?
18:43 BISlover4412 And now it’s the other way around
18:44 techloveArtist ^
18:44 Wert_Ac As
I usually do, I walk through the foliage at the end of the street and
cross into another. I continue forward across this slightly more active
road, and climb over a fence on the other side.
18:44 *** Syrra quit (Quit: Leaving)
18:45 Wert_Ac The fence clearly has a sign saying “no trespassing”. I do not care because I’m a rebel.
18:46 Wert_Ac The townhouses on the other side of the fence tower over me in their unmatched levels of boredom.
18:46 Wert_Ac the walk is beginning to look like a bad idea.
18:46 BISlover4412 Oh shit
18:46 BISlover4412 We got some conflict up in here
18:46 Poh damn right we do
18:46 Poh wait in werts story?
18:46 BISlover4412 ya
18:46 Poh oh
18:46 *** Katai joined #MSPA
18:47 BISlover4412 Katai wert is telling a story
18:47 Poh best story
18:47 BISlover4412 Sit, listen, take notes, etc.
18:47 Poh and have fun
18:47 Wert_Ac Several
hours go by as I wander through desert of boring, brown-painted homes.
Street after street after street, all of which given impossible to
remember names, I dig myself further and further into this maze of a
housing complex.
18:48 Wert_Ac My watch now reads 4:31 PM.
18:48 Wert_Ac i check my cell to see of mother called. The battery is dead. I have no way of calling for help, or knowing if I’m missed.
18:48 BISlover4412 Nuuuuu ;_;
18:49 Wert_Ac The marathon of all walks is taking its tole on my knee caps.
18:49 Wert_Ac I can feel cartilage crack with every couple steps.
18:49 Wert_Ac The muscles in my legs are beginning to ache.
18:50 Wert_Ac And being in the middle of a townhouse area at 4 pm on a sunday means I am completely
18:50 Wert_Ac and utterly
18:50 Wert_Ac alone.
18:50 Wert_Ac I continue on what appears to be some form of main road for what feels like an hour.
18:50 Wert_Ac My watch stopped working at 4:33 PM, giving me with no bearing of time other than the position of the sun.
18:51 Wert_Ac I reach the end of the road, and wind up in a parking lot.
18:51 Wert_Ac Bordering the car-less lot, is a playground of sorts.
18:51 Wert_Ac Two swing sets and a slide sit in filthy, litter-ridden sand.
18:52 Wert_Ac I walk over to one of the swings, and plant my bottom hard down into it to take a rest.
18:52 Wert_Ac being always suspicious, I adjust my gaze to various points in my line of vision.
18:52 BISlover4412 (This is incredibly symbolic of the US economy and its state of debt to production and export ratio)
18:53 Wert_Ac Over
to the right, I see an opening to some sort of path. It leads into a
woodland area, which apparently serves as a buffer between the
townhouses and the rest of the world.
18:53 Wert_Ac I eagerly make my way into the woods, hoping they will take me home.
18:53 Wert_Ac the area is silent.
18:54 Wert_Ac The only audible company is the sound of leaves rustling in the wind.
18:54 Wert_Ac the path winds deeper into the woods, crosses a creek via fallen tree, and ascends a steep hill.
18:54 Wert_Ac At this point, the path splits.
18:55 Wert_Ac I can either go down the other side, or continue along the hill’s ridge.
18:55 Wert_Ac I choose the latter option, and walk onward, gradually increasing in height.
18:55 Wert_Ac At the peak of this mountainous terrain, I encounter an odd clearing.
18:56 Wert_Ac trees surround a circular meadow, filled with vibrant, green grass.
18:56 Wert_Ac In the center, stands a small, dark, leafless tree.
18:56 Wert_Ac At this point, I am delirious from hunger, thirst, and exhaustion.
18:56 BISlover4412 is shivering with anticipation
18:57 Wert_Ac I instinctively wave my hand at the tree with a careful gesture, as one would to a man found lost in a desert.
18:57 Wert_Ac The tree bends to the wind, almost as if it is responding to my motion.
18:58 Wert_Ac I cautiously approach it, curious to what spiritual mysteries lie within its seemingly dead bark.
18:58 Wert_Ac “..h-..hello?” I say, feeling a little foolish.
18:59 Wert_Ac The wind quickly changes direction, allowing a warm, gentle breeze to brush my cheek.
18:59 *** Everanix joined #MSPA
18:59 *** Everanix quit (Quit: ajax IRC Client)
18:59 *** Everanix joined #MSPA
18:59 BISlover4412 hey everanix
18:59 Claus Hi bye hi
18:59 Wert_Ac i walk closer to the tree. It is now within arms reach.
18:59 BISlover4412 wert is telling a story
18:59 Everanix Hello all
18:59 Claus Hello you
18:59 Everanix OOH -sits to listen-
19:00 Wert_Ac It feels as if it is radiating a warm, comforting energy.
19:00 Wert_Ac I close my eyes and gently place my hand upon its trunk.
19:00 Wert_Ac I feel a strong gust of wind abruptly blow my hair back.
19:01 Wert_Ac I
feel the urge to keep my eyes closed through it, and manage to maintain
my calm, relaxed pose through the entirety of the gust.
19:01 Wert_Ac Upon it settling to a breeze, I open my eyes and step back.
19:01 Wert_Ac The tree has been revived. It is green, bountiful, and vibrant.
19:01 Wert_Ac a single leaf falls from the tree, pointing diagonally down the hill.
19:02 Wert_Ac I nod at the tree, understanding its clear message.
19:02 Wert_Ac “Thank you,” I say to it, smiling. I turn my back and walk in the direction of the leaf’s point.
19:02 Wert_Ac Within minutes, I find myself at my doorstep.
19:02 Wert_Ac Home.
19:02 Wert_Ac Safe.
19:02 Wert_Ac Alive.
19:02 Wert_Ac *fin*

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